@ewie

Go up or climb

Here's another piece where I'm publishing work I did years ago explaining entries on the Blaseball Iceberg, which I also made years ago. This one is way up near the top of the iceberg, so it's meant to be short and really simple to understand. This is good, because I'm not yet ready to explain eDensity.1

A screenshot of part 5 of the Forbidden Book of Blaseball. Image captured from the end of season 2 of Blaseball

Since the start of season 2 of Blaseball,2 there has been a section of the website titled "The Book of Blaseball" (located under the book tab of the website, of course). Inside is what is supposedly the rules of the game, although they are heavily redacted. Of note is section 5b, which reads "If a team wins three championships, they, and Blaseball, shall ascend." This was noticed by the Society for Internet Blaseball Research, who decided to tweet about this topic at the Blaseball commissioner, at the time Parker Macmillan III, on September 26th, 2020.

Society for Internet Blaseball Research 🔮 @SIBROfficial

@blaseball hey so what does ascension mean exactly

 BLASEBALL COMMISSIONER @blaseball

what

 Society for Internet Blaseball Research 🔮 @SIBROfficial A quote from the Book of Blaseball on ascension. BLASEBALL COMMISSIONER @blaseball

huh

After some debate on whether or not Parker had ever actually read the Forbidden Book, he replied with, “uh they go up or climb”, following up with “or like they rise through the air. ‘we had ascended 3,000 ft’”.

BLASEBALL NEWS NETWORK @BlaseballNews

PARKER, HAVE YOU READ THE BOOK.

 Society for Internet Blaseball Research 🔮 @SIBROfficial

in fairness to parker, It is Forbidden

 BLASEBALL COMMISSIONER @blaseball

yea

 📱New York Millennials📱 @nymillenials

Yeah wait, you guys have read the book? You know that book is forbidden right?

 BLASEBALL COMMISSIONER @blaseball Someone tweeting at the Blaseball account saying, “Hey what's in the forbidden book”. Parker responds by saying, “don't know didn't open it's forbidden” Society for Internet Blaseball Research 🔮 @SIBROfficial

okay but that was pre-discipline era surely you peeked once we opened it

 Paula 🍳 📚Turnip @TurnipOnBlase

parker has definitely read the book

BLASEBALL COMMISSIONER @blaseball

a. The game of Blaseball should be played between two teams.

 BLASEBALL COMMISSIONER @blaseball

I mean I’ve looked at it since

 Society for Internet Blaseball Research 🔮 @SIBROfficial

parker what do you think happens when a team, and Blaseball, ascends

 BLASEBALL COMMISSIONER @blaseball

uh they go up or climb

 BLASEBALL COMMISSIONER @blaseball

or like they rise through the air. "we had ascended 3,000 ft"

Paula Turnip—a fan-run twitter account roleplaying as a blaseball player—noticed a potential source for this particular definition, the Google definition for “ascend”.

Paula 🍳 📚Turnip @TurnipOnBlase

did you just google the definition of ascend?

 BLASEBALL COMMISSIONER @blaseball

no

 Paula 🍳 📚Turnip @TurnipOnBlase

so this is just a coincidence

A screenshot of a google search for 'ascend'. There is a sponsored entry for a credit union, and below it is the google dictionary entry for 'ascend'. It matches one-to-one with what the blaseball commissioner said. Society for Internet Blaseball Research 🔮 @SIBROfficial

oh I get it, the championship team becomes a credit union

 Paula 🍳 📚Turnip @TurnipOnBlase

thank you for figuring this one out sibr

This joke eventually even got referenced on the Blaseball website itself. After the Baltimore Crabs had won their first championship and were set to Ascend, the Shelled One3 taunts them by saying:

The Shelled One saying, "You believe you are worthy to go up? To climb?"

Part of my incentive for reuploading this is because the only source for any of this happening is the original Twitter thread. Twitter—currently X: The Everything App—is no longer indexed on Google or publicly accessible, and is no longer used by anyone who produced or was a fan of Blaseball. A number of former fans have since deleted their accounts in protest, disinterest, or due to general internet rot. Blaseball as a game is surprisingly well archived, in part due to the efforts of people at SIBR putting in the work to create persistent long-term archives of almost every part of Blaseball, including the game, the wiki, and many other parts of fan culture. However, a lot of Blaseball was the experience of being involved in the cultural event that was Blaseball, which has suffered a lot more rot. Part of my hope with this series was that I could help in archiving some of these piece of Blaseball history on a real website. If you would like to read the original twitter thread, you can read it at this link.

Footnotes

  1. Please ignore that this is actually below eDensity on the iceberg. ↩

  2. It started in season 2 due to an unfortunate accident. ↩

  3. The Shelled One was the bad guy for the Discipline era of Blaseball, which stretches from season 2 to season 10. This culminates in a big boss fight that happened on day X, which was at the end of the season. ↩

  1. #Blaseball

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